this time i'll do things proper

"dear you, tonight let's get ahead of ourselves."

thanks for the birthday wishes, everybody! i really appreciate it.
you know, when i first found out i was born on the day julius caesar was assassinated (that word looks so weird...ASSASS...hahahahaha) i was freaking out, but in the good way. i was like, 'whoa whoa i was born on the day somebody died? RAD!' and out of all people, it had to be freakin' julius caesar. my parents named me after him because of this. too bad i don't have as much ambition as he did - i'm one of the laziest people you'll ever meet, i swear.
it's funny how you think you have all the time in the world, and then you blink and suddenly a decade has already passed. people are always telling you to manage your time wisely because you don't have a whole lot of it, and whenever you think about the future you always think that it won't come for a long time. i swear just yesterday i was still in elementary school, huddling in the corner with my friends and talking about pokemon and who hugged who during so and so's birthday party. i never thought high school would come, and i didn't even give college and university a thought, but now here i am ten years later with a diminishing hangover and a lip ring, hoping that seneca@york will accept me so i don't have to slave away at utsc anymore. honestly, i hate uft. i only accepted 'cause my mom wanted me to. in all honesty i really just want to play guitar.
but yeah, back to what i was saying - time passes by way too quickly. i remember being twelve and burning random top 40s music onto blank cds and biking around the neighbourhood during the summer with my friends. i remember running up and down in the gym with my black and silver basketball jersey and trading pokemon and yugioh cards. i remember getting up at eight in the morning on saturdays to watch cartoons and complaining to my mom when she told me to go to bed at ten pm. i remember my typical outfit: baseball cap, t-shirt and jean shorts. i remember running around the field with the boys and learning how to hop fences. i remember piano lessons and how i actually liked it for the first two years, and then begging my mom to quit when the fourth one came around. i remember listening to blink-182 and picking up a guitar for the first time. i remember how i thought how impossible it was to make a d chord. i remember quebec and getting locked out of our own room. i remember how on chris' tenth birthday i was the only girl at his party, and his dad told me that i was the only rose out of the thorns.
now i download and rip music of bands no one's ever heard of onto my ipod. we drive way too fast in our cars just to get to people's houses a few blocks away. walking up a flight of stairs is exercise for me now. pokemon and yugioh are still cool. i sleep at six in the morning and wake up at five in the afternoon. i wear band shirts and a legend of zelda belt buckle. i still run around with the boys and i'm proud of the fact that i'm one of the few girls who can hop a fence. i regret quitting piano and i want to learn again. i'm stoked at the fact that blink-182 is back together and i can't wait for their summer tour. the e flat chord is now the new impossible chord. i returned to quebec this past summer and chugged a vodka cooler and my stomach started to burn. chris gave me a bazillion hugs yesterday even though we still had a couple hours before my actual birthday.
i'm a 19 year old girl who acts and looks like a 14 year old boy - minus the whole horny for poon tang part.
i've spent the past ten years with the greatest friends in the world and i can't wait to see what the next ten will bring us. i'm just scared that if i blink too many times, i'll miss it.