on and on the rain will fall.

for all those born beneath an angry star,
lest we forget how fragile we are.

adults nowadays tend to look back at their teenage years and most of them recall their high school years as being one of the worst moments in their lives.
being an adolescent is trivial; you're no longer a child but you're not an adult yet either, so what are you supposed to be? you're constantly plagued by that feeling of being stuck in between two extremes, and you feel like you don't belong in either category.
you look at the high school 'scene' and you complain about how all the kids look the same, yet they all claim that they're an individual of some sort. well, if you look at the high school community over the course of recent history you can see that nothing really has changed, except for pop culture and fashion sense.
in every decade it's almost obvious to pinpoint that one of the major problems in high school is dealing with that feeling of wanting to belong somewhere. it's a human trait to crave acceptance; we all want to feel like we're loved, that we're part of something. why do you think people form clubs and teams? people unite with a similar interest to express themselves through that interest. that single interest that binds them together makes each and every member of that club or group or whatever feel like they belong, because they have found people they can relate to. in high school, you see that the cafeteria is packed with different cliques, each with their own style and personality. ironically each clique thinks they're unique, even though every member dresses and acts exactly the same.
many cliques try not to clash with each other - for instance sometimes people won't wear a certain article of clothing because apparently everybody else wears it. a friend of mine doesn't like amy lee because his friend played bass for her during ozzfest one time and he told him that she was a bitch. that one piece of information immediately makes him dislike her, though he has admitted to me that he acknowledges the fact that she indeed does have talent. influence is a strong...er, influence in our everyday lives, unfortunately. our actions and decisions may well be based, no matter how unconscious it may be, on the influence of someone close to us, like a family member of a friend. whatever happened to doing things simply because you wanted to do it? does it really matter if everyone else is wearing the same oversized scarf as that guy in that overrated teeny-bopper band? will it be the end of the world if someone caught me wearing the same brand of sunglasses those rich valley girls from that so called reality show wear? it occurs to me that people simply think too much of what other people think of them; self-consciousness has taken an entirely new level.
influence is obviously a big part in an adolescent's life, as you have probably seen, or most likely even experienced for yourself once upon a time. they focus primarily on what they can and cannot do, depending on the clique they fit in with. outward appearances make the impression nowadays - it doesn't matter what you're really like. no one bothers to dig deeper because they're afraid they'll find something they won't like. nobody knows what to do in those kind of situations anymore, so they just ridicule you.
that's what happens when you don't fit in, or when someone picks out some kind of flaw within you. they mock you, they grind you to the bone for it. it's unnessecary and they know it, but they do it anyway for the sake of something to do, because they want to shy away from the limelight. they want to let everyone know that you're the one that's different, and not them. isn't it ironic how being different is the reason why kids are being teased for these days - well i mean kids were always being teased for being different, but the word different has been redefined over and over again. i guess conformity's the new in thing.

running to the future.

sometimes its hard to keep on running,
we work so much to keep it going.
don't make me want to give up

i want to get this down before i'm too intoxicated to do so, haha.
so 2008, you had your ups and downs, but what kind of year isn't like that?
really, if everything was just either or, life wouldn't be so exciting. if everything was perfect and lacked the obstacles we work so hard to overcome, there would be nothing to expect out of life, and we wouldn't have the drive to keep moving forward because we know every day will be almost exactly the same. sometimes you need to have a few bumps along the way to truly appreciate what you have.
though it really doesn't look like it, i feel like i've done the most growing this year, and no, i obviously don't mean physically, hahaha. i feel like i know more, and that i know where i belong. i've gone through everything with the greatest people i have ever known, and i hope that our paths will continue to run side by side as the future approaches. some of you i have known for nearly a decade now, and i truly appreciate the fact that we are still good friends and that we still set time for each other. you guys are the most awesome people i have ever met and i wouldn't trade you for anyone else.
to those of you who i no longer speak to, or to those i have simply drifted apart from, i hope that life will treat you well and that this year has been as educational and fulfilling as it has for me. there was a time in our lives where our paths have crossed, but now that time has passed and we must move on. i will not forget you, because you have made a big impact in my life and i hope that someday again we will see each other.
i'm not saying that my year was perfect; i have experienced a lot of loss this year and it will take time to get over it, but i learn from these things and i grow stronger from them. i just want everyone to feel the same, because this year has taught me that being constantly angry and pessimistic doesn't solve anything; it only makes things look worse, when they're really not as bad as they seem. you're wasting energy on complaining about how things should have been when really you should be using that energy on concentrating on setting yourself up for what's in store for you.
i have made a lot of mistakes this past year, and the years before that, and i do regret making all of them and the consequences that followed. i do think about it from time to time, but i know it won't bother me forever because i can't let it take over my life like that. i'm human and i make mistakes, but it's also human to forgive. i know now that the people who have been with me through these times and are still around to consider me their friend are the people i belong with, and i am truly thankful for you all.
so in hopes that the new year will bring new opportunities, new friends, new beginnings, and anything new and good, i wish you all a very happy new year, and good luck to you all in the near future!

bring it on, 2009!

bring it fuckin' on.

cool kids never have the time.

the street heats the urgency of sound,
as you can see there's no one around.

sometimes i don't get why people try so hard to fit into things.
i see teenagers and young adults alike nowadays criticizing each other for being too this and too that. it's driving me crazy.
just recently i was downtown with a friend and we saw this guy dressed in really fitting jeans and that loose scarf everyone's wearing now wrapped around his neck. he was also wearing those thick plastic-rimmed glasses and a fitting button-up - like really, what are you trying to tell us here?
it's nearly impossible to go out these days without being judged by other people. i've never liked eye contact but nowadays it feels like people are literally eyefucking you, like they're trying to fit you into some kind of category. it's not in to be normal these days.
you get this kid in a bad religion t-shirt and a multicoloured mohawk ranting about how unjust society is these days and how the government should be taken down, and how selling out is the worst way to go in the music industry.
you see a guy dressed in clothes at least two times too big for him, with bicycle chains hanging off his neck and shiny retainers with glittery words on them retelling his story of hardship, addiction and violence, backed with samples of previous hit songs from the past.
there's a girl with bangs trickling over her face like a spilled oil slick with her wrists covered in thin rubber bracelets complaining about conformity and how she's so unique, when you could name at least ten other girls who dress and act exactly the same.
i don't know about you but i think it's getting a little overrated. nobody really knows who they are anymore - it's becoming a society full of people going through a prolonged identity crisis. it really does make me sick sometimes.