you're a beautiful girl in this horrible world

look at their eyes,
they always seem to follow me.

so it's ten to six in the morning, and my friend and i were up all night talking about things that scared us. we just came back from one of the best concerts i've ever been to - bedouin soundclash/paramore/no doubt - and we were still wide awake when we got home, so we decided to just chill and chat. we ended up talking about scary things, and it got so intense up to the point where we were too scared to leave my kitchen because we were afraid that something was going to, like, attack us or something. haha.
we talked about how that certain face people make when they're screaming is really frightening, and the sound of an actual blood-curdling scream is scary. maniacal laughter is another bother too, along with the sounds of someone rocking back and forth. you don't even have to see it; just hearing it is scary enough. with that being said i guess the human mind is probably the scariest thing in existence, 'cause it's where all the scary things originate from: the imagination. we think up these things and we get creeped out by it.
another thing that creeps me out is small spaces with no windows. elevators scare the shit out of me; my palms get sweaty and my heartbeat quickens whenever i have to go in one. songs being played backwards are scary to me, like that beatles song. ughhh. just typing all of this out gives me the creeps.

got a lotta heartache

fuck this place, i lost the war,
i hate you all,
your mom's a whore.

i've never given much thought as to how everything seems to be against you when you're in a bad mood. like what dallas green had so eloquently said, all your friends seem like enemies when you're broken down and empty.
i don't even know what provoked the thought in the first place; i'm not in a bad mood, but i'm not feeling superbly happy either. it's just one of those 'meh' moods - the everyday kinda thing where you're just like...yeah...cool. haha. y'know what i mean?
i'd like to think that the only reason why we're so antagonistic towards the world when we're in a bad mood is because when you get hurt, your eyes close instinctively. haven't you noticed that it happens sometimes? like, when you stub your toe or when you're trying not to cry, you tend to close your eyes. with your eyes closed you can't see, therefore preventing you from seeing the people who are trying to help you. basically you're stuck in the dark, feeling your way through the gloom because you think you're the only one going through it all, when really the people that are willing to pull you out of it are right in front of you.
i guess that's what makes teen angst so interesting these days - we've all gone through it, whether you'd like to admit it or not - especially now that i'm out of high school and i'm seeing everything differently. i wouldn't say i have a more mature way of looking at everything but it's definitely more grown-up than the way i would've looked at it if i was still my 16-year-old self, wallowing in my own self-pity. it's funny how as a teenager you have nearly everything to complain about - school, friends, parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, the annoying kid who sits beside you in homeroom, the works - and then when you graduate and move on to bigger things you look back and laugh at how ridiculous you sounded. whoever thought of the term young adult as another term for teenager? 'cause i don't really see much of a difference between an 8-year-old and a high school student.