bones sinking like stones

oh, all that i know, there's nothing here to run from,
'cause yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

so i just came back from watching the curious case of benjamin button. fuckn' long movie but it's also probably one of the saddest i have ever seen. how do you deal with aging backwards?
it's hard enough growing older and letting parts of you wear out, but what about growing younger and watching yourself become more and more inadequate? when you meet with that person you know you're destined to be with, how much does it hurt to realize you've only got a certain amount of years before time begins to pull you apart?
you begin separated, then you meet in the middle, and then you part ways once again.
at least once in your life you'll meet someone who leaves a dent on you, like what benjamin button says himself. maybe you'll only interact with that person for a few short minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years but in the end when you part your heart aches for them to return to you because they've managed to wedge themselves into you - they've become a part of who you are.
i was once very good friends with a girl in high school - we met on the most unusual circumstances. i really don't remember the finer details but i think a friend and i were fighting over something ridiculous, and she invites that girl into our conversation to try and straighten things out. i think that was how we started talking. it was around my first year of high school when that happened, but we never started talking until the beginning of our second year. we talked a lot about random things, some personal and some just because we had nothing else to think about. she was one of those friends that you can talk about anything - the kind of person where you can just sit beside each other and not say a word but it doesn't feel awkward at all. there was one conversation we had in the beginning of our last year where we hoped we'd get into queens together and become dormmates - looking back on that now i realize how childish that wish was, even though that only happened a little over a year ago.
it really is a shame that things don't last. i've mentioned in my new years' post that i have done a lot of things that i am not proud of, and these little imperfections was what pulled us apart. sometimes opposites attract and make people the best of friends, with bonds so strong that not even time could break it, but in many other situations it's people's differences that divides them.
opinions and personalities seem to be clashing more than melding together, and things ended on a very bad note. it was a rough few months before i realized that there was no point in getting angry and sore over it anymore, because whatever happened was in the past and it doesn't matter.
but as time went by and my anger over it dissolved, i realized how wrong i was.
some of the things i do are reminiscent of her - i think a little more before i do things (though not a whole lot, but it's still a big improvement) and i don't act out as much as i used to.
before we became friends i was a sporadic, out-of-control, foulmouthed, arrogant...well you get the picture. before we became friends she was quiet, reserved, self-conscious and insecure. the closer we grew the more our personalities rubbed off on each other - i calmed down while she opened up. if it weren't for our friendship i wouldn't be the person i am now, and that's something i will never forget.
i've met a lot of people that have left pretty deep dents in me, but this particular person has left one of the biggest.
life is full of the most unexpected things and you can't prepare yourself for most of them 'cause you don't know when it's going to come to you. the best you can do with what's given to you is to figure out what to do with it when it comes, even if it is something as unusual as aging backwards, or meeting someone that's literally your exact opposite.
i hope that whatever comes to you next will be something that will stay with you forever.
"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit…start whenever you want…you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
-benjamin button